Hello World, we'll give this a shot.

hahaha Eric Reese… what?!?! I believe you already know my feelings about you with a ‘stache. But alas, you have good reasoning with the whole Disney thing and all.  Enjoy the ‘stache life (I know you will)!

ericreese:

There is a mustache on my face. And I am keeping it.

Over the last few days, I have been met with a variety of responses to my most recent acquisition. These have ranged from “nice ‘stache” to “what the hell is wrong with you?” Choosing to ignore the second type of compliment (yes, I consider “shave immediately” a positive response), I’ve decided to continue my expedition into life with a hairy upper lip.

While I don’t have many strong reasons (if any) for cultivating it, consider this: Disney Corporation, while asking their employees to be otherwise clean shaven, allows its employees to have well-groomed mustaches. If it’s good enough for Disney, it’s good enough for me.

First off, I apologize for not posting the continuation in a long time.  But it’s here now and that’s all that matters.

Alright, so I left him late July and I was about to start my first year of college within the next month.  Let me just say that I hate leaving a relationship knowing that I can’t keep a communication with that person.  It’s always better knowing that there is someone you can talk to.  So that being said, although I had broken up with him through a seven page text message while I was sitting on the beach… (he would never want to talk about things in person)…. I hated the silence between us, so typical me- I try to keep talking to him.

It didn’t exactly work, but the day before he went back to school he wanted to meet up with me.  So we did and I had wanted to clear things up with him… maybe get a little closure or something, I wasn’t exactly sure what it was that I wanted to come out of this rendezvous.  When we met I couldn’t think of anything to say, it was silence, pure silence between us, I guess thats all that was needed though.  Except… nothing was really accomplished, as opposed to getting closure, he swooned me the way he mysteriously always did and we had left that night with a kiss.

I had gone off to college a single lady, and Patrick and I didn’t keep in touch a lot but we did talk every now and then.  I visited his school twice within two weeks and had ended up staying with him both weekends I was there. The last one ended up being a disaster.

I tried so hard to see a change in him, I tried so hard to believe that he had changed for the better.  I don’t regret anything, keep that in mind. I just wanted him to get it right with me more than anything else, if he were to finally move on I didn’t want him treating any other girl the way he treated me.

We didn’t talk until the next month around Thanksgiving, where we had seen each other once more.  I guess it was my fault for letting him get so close to me again but I thought I had finally started to see a breakthrough with him (not that I was getting my hopes up with him because I learned my lesson a long time ago).

Around the time right before winter break is when I started to get back in touch with Keegan.  Which is relevant, but at the same time a different story.  I couldn’t get as emotionally close as I wanted to Keegan right away because I thought I still had feelings for Patrick.  Well over winter break, things went down hill slowly and I think Patrick started to sense it too.  We had more than a handful of uncomfortable moments and I felt like I had done all that I could and that I was fresh out of ideas.  Patrick was now a case I couldn’t help anymore. It’s difficult to admit but it did hurt me to know I was helpless.

We grew apart faster than ever, and by this time Keegan and I were closer than ever, and I knew I had to tell Patrick.  Telling him was a lot harder than it should’ve been.  I’m not the kind that takes pride in hurting people’s feelings, it’s just not who I am.

About a month after telling him (it was now April of ‘09), I had been out partying one night and couldn’t sleep, I needed something in the air to be cleared.  It was 4 a.m. and I knew I had to try.  I called Patrick.  He picked up.  What I thought was a lost cause wasn’t.  He answered the phone and he knew it was me.  And for the first time ever that morning, we had a real conversation.  We talked, and it was so refreshing.  The ninety minute conversation where I pathetically sobbed nearly the whole time happened.  Things were now in the clear and it had pained me to know that it had taken as long as it did to find out anything about Patrick.  Before this conversation I dated a stranger.  I knew not of his feelings. Ever.

There was finally closure.

Although he still refuses to see me or say hi to me, I’m happy to know what happened happened.  And as cliche as it sounds I’m stronger because of him.  We’ll say hi through texts once every couple of months but that’s about it.  I might see him around every now and then, and as much as I want to say hi I want to respect his wishes even more.

This takes me to where I am now with him.  I’m happy where I am and I wish nothing but the best for him.

This is one of my most recent stories and usually the one that gets told the most.  I’ve learned so much from the experiences I had here with this person.  His name will be changed in the story for his sake.

It all started in the summer of 2007 when I was invited to play ultimate frisbee every Tuesday with a bunch of friends.  This is where I met Patrick.  I hated him.  I didn’t even know him and I hated him.  Call me childish, but he was the one who never passed the frisbee to girls (Chrissy and I were the only two girls who played).  He was sexist, whether he knew it or not.  I had talked this over with some of my other friends who played frisbee, specifically Mark (real name) and I told him I never wanted to play on the same team as Patrick ever again, or else I’d leave.  I was serious, and I knew the guys needed me to play to make teams even.  I thought the plan was clear that I was never going to be put on the same frisbee team as him again,  but I was wrong.  The next Tuesday came and teams were chosen and I had no say on which team I wanted.  I was on Patrick’s team and I was furious: murmuring cuss words, insults and threats.  I was not ready for what was about to happen though; it was that game that Patrick passed the frisbee to me, more than once.  I thought for sure Mark had said something to him, but I questioned him and he had nothing to do with it.

I know I know, big deal a boy passes a frisbee to a girl after weeks of not passing to her.  Well that’s just it, it was a big deal.  And I never knew it was going to lead me where it did.

Later that night we all went to a teammate’s house for a get-together.  It was a chill atmosphere, to be cliche.  And I like to say this night is the night I actually met Patrick.  (I also met Keegan this same night but that’s another story).  At some point that night our phone numbers were exchanged and I didn’t believe he was all that evil anymore.  I left the “party” early and went home and proceeded to exchange texts with this new and improved boy.  I was crushing hard already and I didn’t even know him.

There was someone standing in the way though.  Yea, sure I was single at the time, but I was not over my ex, Eric (real name).  Even though we had broken up six months before, and we had only dated 11 months, I was still in love with him.  We kept in touch and kept hanging out over the summer.  He had told me that we were not going to be getting back together, I had come to terms with that and had pursued other guys.

Eric found out about me getting closer to Patrick, and Patrick already knew about Eric.  It had only been a couple of weeks of hanging out with Patrick and it was about a week before Eric had to leave to go back to college.  Eric I think felt insecure with the fact that I was finally getting closer to someone else.  I think he felt he couldn’t bare to see me with someone else.  Eric asked me to be his girlfriend again on a Tuesday… the same Tuesday Patrick and I were supposed to have a talk, which may or may not have prevented me getting back together with Eric….. Patrick instead avoided me, and I wasn’t about to wait around.

I attempted to keep in contact with Patrick, but he went off to his first year of college without so much as a “good bye”.  I felt he hated me and I was guilty.

Things took up with Eric right where they left off, until things went sour about seven months later when we ended things once more.

I had always kept Patrick in mind because I felt things weren’t left so clear between us.  I attempted to contact him once again, not expecting any response, but I thought it was still worth a shot.  He responded.  We talked and talked.  He happened to be coming home that weekend for his spring break and we had planned to meet up, and I had planned to apologize for what happened seven months before.  Except, all that mattered to me was that we were now on talking terms again.

Anyone who knows me knows that I hate to be on bad terms with people, no matter what we’ve been through I try to end on talking terms.  So that I know and the other person knows that we can still be there for each other if we need them in the future.

Back to the story.  Patrick and I hung out and got close again.  He did all the cutest things, or maybe I only thought he was doing all the cutest things because I was freshly single and was still looking for the attention.  A few weeks later, on a Tuesday,  Patrick secretly drove three hours home from college and surprised me in my driveway with a rose. Patrick?  A rose?  A school night?  That’s not like him at all.  That was the sweetest thing ever.  I don’t care how corny, I fell for it and hard.  About a month went by and we were seeing each other, nothing more.  I was told more than once by others to stay away from him and to not be official with him.  But knowing me, I had to go make all my own mistakes if they were going to be mistakes…  either way I had to ride this one out on my own.  I had never been so happy.

April 19th came around and he had a date planned for me.  He took me to the Waterfront for dinner and then up to Mt. Washington to look at the beautiful city we live in.  It was raining that night but we stood there a long time in silence just taking in the view.  I remember my mind racing and how I was nervous he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend, I didn’t know what I wanted.  I thought to myself, “If he were going to ask me out…. right now would be the time.”  But we left the view and took the incline down to the car.  We spent about a half hour in the car, I’ll spare you the details, in the end he brought me close to him and grabbed my hand; he had told me some of the sweetest things, and I was swooned immediately.  He had asked me to be his girlfriend and I could not refuse.

I got my hopes up with Patrick… a lot.  I thought the person he showed me before we were official was just a taste of what was to come.  I was wrong.  We fought, but only through text.  We only communicated through text.  In person there was no communication.  I tried so hard to carry on conversations with him, I only wanted to know more about him, because I realized he was still a stranger to me.  And to be honest, I still don’t know who he is.  I thought about ending it with him time after time, but coincidently every time I was working up the courage he was as sweet as he could be again.  Another thing that was holding me back, was that I wanted him to get it right with me, I wanted him to know how to treat someone like me so that if it didn’t work out with us, then he’d get it right with someone else.  I didn’t want to end things until I could feel good about them.  I was gone on three vacations that summer and when I was home it was almost as if he didn’t want to see me.  Like it wasn’t a big deal.

Not to mention prior to it all, he told me he’d come see me all dressed up for prom…. but instead I get a text the day of prom that said he was on his way to Canada.  Thanks for the heads up.  Also, it was almost as if I had to force him to come to my graduation.  I was the second row to graduate…. and my god I’m your girlfriend.  Have a little decency.

I found out it was due to substances that made him sweet to me. And that it was ONLY those times he was sweet to me.  I couldn’t take it.  He didn’t even try to work through things or to make things better.  I spent all of my time thinking about how to make things work and how to get the message across.  His friends had more conversations with me than he did.  He had everything in the world to talk about and he was afraid to share it with me?!  Unbelievable.

I ended things in late July.  Well, kind of.

[To Be Continued]

I’m not good at beginnings.  But I guess I should start with my motives and a little bit about myself.

Those who know me (those who stick around) would agree that I live a life worth talking about, and that I always have a story to tell.  The way I like to look at it (and maybe it’s bias):  I live an interesting and fascinating life, and I wouldn’t trade it in for the world.

This leads me to why I started this blog:  Earlier this week I was talking with a friend of mine over lunch, and we got on a topic that led me to telling him one of my infamous and more recent stories (which will be told in later posts).  By the end of the story he suggested to me that I write an autobiography, which is too great of a step at the moment, being a student and all.  He then listed that I should begin a journal or blog of all my stories and all the lessons I’ve learned.  This idea was more plausible and it had crossed my mind more than once, but the only issue I had/have is time.  I’m a full-time student at Kent State University, and motivation has always been an issue for me when it comes to writing things down.  Don’t put that against me, I have trouble putting my thoughts down in (semi-) permanent words and trying to get the “feel” across at the same time.

Here are some things to keep in mind when reading this and other posts:

• I am not a professional by all means, I make mistakes in my writing like any normal person.
• I will substitute names for select people I write about, other names might be kept depending on our relational proximity at this time.
• Whether you like my stories or not doesn’t change what you read. It happened. That’s it.
• I don’t regret anything that I’m about to write in this blog, bad situations or good, it happened to me and it brought me to where I am today.
• Some things may accidently be left out, and certain stories may be told out of order, once again I will try to avoid this but I am not a professional.

I’m very open to suggestions, and you are very welcome to make them.  Also, if any questions come up, please feel free to ask, because chances are I probably wasn’t so clear in explaining something.

This is all that comes to mind right now.  My apologies for the late introduction, I’m Monica Maschak and here goes nothing.